Sylvanwye extract

The Truth About Trolls (or Trolls are nice)

To look at, I will admit, trolls are not the most attractive of creatures, they do tend to have rather large noses, an abundance of body hair (most noticeable on their hands and feet), beards (even the ladies) and tusks that protrude from their lower lip (a bit like a Warthog) but their ears are long, lacy and delicate and, of course, their tails are quite a conversation piece.

Myths tell us how trolls are cave dwellers or live on mountains or under bridges and turn to stone in bright sunlight.  Not true.  I do believe a very long, long, long, time ago the ancient troll did live in caves but then again, a very long, long, long time ago we all did.  Trolls live in large communal Gers, which are domed wooden framed tents covered with old dragon’s scales which have been soaked for thirty days in a solution of salt and vinegar to make them more pliable (dragon’s scales are extremely weatherproof – ask any dragon).  As for turning to stone in the sun, well trolls have very sensitive skin and tend to burn in the blaze of summer so they prefer to stay in shady nooks and don on sun hats and troll cream.

They do not steal babies or kidnap princesses; neither are they dim-witted or cruel.  They are, in fact, very talented craftsmen (and women) and produce many extensive items for sale, these include knitted goods from gloves to rucksacks, jewellery, useful things from other people’s rubbish, and small ornamental animals made out of sea-shells.  They are also pacifists, vegetarians and tend to have a liking for tofu.

Trolls are also keepers of the great and powerful Ockerdocker Smith, a magical black and white stone three trolls high that stands in the centre of their island, Winydepla.  This stone sleeps sometimes for days, sometimes for months or years and then, then it speaks.  Okay, sometimes it’s only the weather or shipping forecast but sometimes it’s snippety little pearls of wisdom that we can all go and make a necklace out of like:-

You are yourself

Finding is knowing where to look

Happiness is never feeling sad

Camping is in intense

Insomnia is nothing to lose sleep over

And my personal favourite, you cannot solve major problems with a blue blankie but it helps.

#RDP

 

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